Wednesday, February 2, 2011

So I was waiting for some fish and chips and I was reading this old zoo magazine that they had there. I can't remember what but it had a really interesting article. There was this old maybe 30 year old guy there too. He had grey stubble, but it kinda suited him. Everytime I looked up he tried to catch my eye. I pretended not to notice. Finally he made this noise, like a little squawk. I looked up surprised and he was grinning at me. He told me that I was hot. That I looked like the girl on the cover (which is a lie because she had black hair - mine is brown with tips). He then told me that he was 'on the roids.' I asked him if it shrunk his balls.

He said that it doesn't, that its a lie. After all what do roids do? They build musicles. What's the biggest muscle on the body? The cock. So provided you exercise it and here he gave me this sleazy look as if to say, you know what I mean, it'll get bigger. I asked if it had and he said that he'd only just started. But anyway when your thighs and body gets bigger sometimes it looks like your cock is smaller. Anyway he then got up to get his order, leaving me alone with the fish and chip guy...Oh wait, I gotta go. I'll let you know what happened tomorroew. Sorry to tease.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Living the Dream 2011

Well yes at the XMAs party this sleazy Swedish guy said I had a nice ass and a smiled back at him and told him that he would never get anywhere near it. I hear that later that night he ended up fucking Denise, the deaf chick. Maybe he signed something to her about her ass. What a sleazebag. He thinks he's a player having sex with all the fat slags at work but anyone with any self esteem will work him out in a second. No matter how drunk you are. I've seen the way he looks at me and it creeps me out. I don't care that he's assistant manager. It's only because his uncle owns the company. I teased him a bit earlier on, told him I wasn't getting any from my boyfriend just to watch him pant. I admit I was pretty pissed but I stopped drinking pretty early. And it was fun to mess with him. When Mary came round with acid I only took half and it straightened me up. After that I stopped drinking.

Let me ask you this. Should deaf loose bitches get shitfaced at work parties. It was pretty funny, she was hanging off him, giving him massages, pulling all the moves. Or that's what Jeff said. I left early. He was one of the last to leave.

Anyway somehow it got out and now everyone knows. So as I set here in my cubicle I can see Denise and her eyes are all puffy. she said she's got an allergy but she keeps going to the toilet. For sure to cry. Now everyone knows she's loose.

I kinda feel sorry for her because I don't think she gets much action, but still even she should know to stay away from the Swedish. Today denise took lunch at her desk. I think I should tell her no one gives a shit. Maybe tomorrow. Fuck he's ugly. And short. It would be like fucking a troll. I don't think I could get that drunk.

Friday, February 26, 2010

10 Things That Piss Me Off!!!!!!!!!!

1. That chick Ruby Rose.
People say she's a role model for lesbians because she's done so well. She's taught us if you're pretty they'll put you on TV even if you're a biscuit licker. Even the Winter Olympics where you can say stupid bimbo shit like 'snowboarders are like rockstars.'You will also clean yourself up getting rid of your pretend punk shit for a big cash cheque.

that's all I can think of. I started angry but...who can be fucked?

Sunday, February 21, 2010

So I've been seeing this guy for a while now. Maybe 2 months, He's really sweet. His name is Jason. He keeps talking about the kids we're going to have. A boy and a girl. He wants to name one Jesse and the other James and have them two years apart. He thinks its hysterical. He wants them to go to school in Footscray because it's multicultural and its good to mix with people from other cultures when you're young so you accept them before you learn that they're different. I think it's a really smart idea.

But that's what I like so much about him. He's a bit older than me, going a bit bald on the sides (but it really suits him). He's a bit wiser too. The stuff that he knows about blows my mind, like porno stars don't actually have sex anymore. The guys just take this pill so they don't get hard and they just use footage of older films for the close up shots. I had no idea. I thought they were really going for it. Makes sense though, you can't get diseases if you're not actually fucking.

Anyway he doesn't like me smoking weed. He made me promise to stop, so now I can't do it around him. He'd know if I did because he used to be heavy into drugs when he was younger, e's, louie, heroin, everything. Now even herb makes him paranoid so he can't have it. He got so angry last week when he busted me stoned. Started screaming abut how weak I was. It really freaked me out. His head got so red that I thought it was going to explode. Later he explained it though, he wants to stop me from turning into him, and sometimes to stop an addict you have to be firm. I don't think I'm an addict, I just like to smoke a joint every now and then. But I know that he truly cares for me. He wont let me get off the phone until I tell him I love him and sometimes he calls three or four times a day just to hear my voice. And he tells me he loves me all the time too. He's so sweet I feel like we're in a movie. I don't think anyone's ever loved me this much before.

Friday, February 19, 2010

This is why I'm going to try to quit smoking tobacco


I remember at school the dental people came round. They had this big poster of Elvis and had used a texta to blot out some of his teeth. He had this big toothy grin. They told us to brush our teeth or it might happen to us. I liked the way he looked so I went home and coloured in the teeth of mums Neil Diamond posters. She went crazy! She ended up calling the school to complain, so maybe they don't take around the Elvis posters no more. Hope not.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

two things I forgot, one was that when we were driving back yesterday I thought I saw this brown sack in the middle of Sydney rd, which if you don't know is like 4 lanes wide. Then I realised it was moving. So I figured it must have been a dog. But no fucking way it was a woman!!! She would have been about maybe 45 and she was pretty much the size of the wheel of a car. I freaked and pissed myself laughing for the next 10 minutes. I laughed so much I dribbled on myself. Then I felt bad. The other thing that it wasn't smack that we were scoring (thanks Lisa always thinking the worst of me) it was herb

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Today I went out beyond the burbs to this industrial part of Sydney rd. It was next to this spooky little graveyard and stone church straight out of a horror film. When I rocked up there was this strange guy sitting out the front. He was kinda cute except he put his head in his hands and started sobbing to himself as I walked up and I saw he had a big bald spot on the back of his head. Gross!!!!!

Probably the strangest thing was I couldn't open the gate to get into the house. It was weird as fuck. I kept trying to pull on the latch but it was wedged in. I struggled at it for ages and I could feel that sobbing guy looking at me. I felt like a fuckstick, but no matter what I did it wouldn't move. I ended up having to call them up to come and even they couldn't open it. So they ended up handing the gear over just out the front they didn't give a fuck. Omen maybe?