So i was gonna just let this blog die a natural death because I couldn't be fucked writing anymore because I just feel tired and lazy, like a fat slob. Then I read thru what i wrote and thought why is it that so many fucked up things have happened to me lately? Mum is apparently in Whittlesea working with the fire victims. After 2 weeks she called to see if I got the note. There was no note. She insisited she left it on the fridge telling me everything but she is a lying bitch. I don't even think she's doing anything at the fires except trying to fuck firemen. Once we had a gas leak and the firemen came and mum was fully dressed, but when she saw them she went back inside and changed into her silk nighty with her boobs hanging out. It was gross and embarrassing. She went out the front where the neighbours could see and was hanging over the railing asking the firemen if there was anything she could do to help. She wasn't even drunk, just desperate.

anyway there's a lot going on but I'm tired and going to bed.

Mum has vanished. She's been gone now for two days. She just never came home from work. I don 't know what to do. I tried calling work but they didn't know anything. Who's mother runs away from home? She's not answering her mobile or anything. I'm gonna wait til monday until I call the police. It's really weird. I hope she hasn't been abducted or anything. Fuck it I'm gonna call the police tomorrow. It's too weird. As I write this Reservoir Dogs is on. There are heaps of ants on the floor for no apparent reason and I'm eating butterscotch icecream.

Mum has been pissing me off heaps lately. Asking me where I'm going and when I'll be back, making sure I'm eating all my meals. Telling me to be careful about everything she can think of. Treating me like I can't be trusted. I feel claustrophobic. She needs to get a life already. Tonight at dinner she got a phone call. I think it was about me because she got up quickly and went into the loungeroom so I couldn't hear.

I fell off the front steps a few days ago and grazed my knee pretty bad. The scab has healed and is now starting to drop off. When mum left I quickly ripped it off all the way, ground it up and dropped it in her soup. When she came back she looked kind've pale. As she started to eat I lost it and began to giggle. Mum told me that it was nice to see me smiling again, that I have a lovely smile and I should use it more often. I could feel my knee starting to bleed again and could see droplets of blood hitting the tiles.

still nothing from Justin. nothing to do. nothing nothing nothing. Everything is a big fat nothing.

Turns out that it's a loon. The most primitive bird on the planet. Virtually unchanged in 100 million years. They're really heavy so they can dive up to 600 feet under water. How would you feel if you were a fish and then suddenly a bird came swimming after you? I guess first you'd think you were mad and then you'd get the hell out of the way as quickly as possible.

I still don't know why Justin left so quickly that night. I haven't heard from him since. I want to see him to at least tell me what I did wrong. I'm not going to call though because I don't want to seem desperate. Instead I'm going to eat some butterscotch ice-cream.

I heard this noise last night when i was asleep. It scared the shit out of me. I thought someone was breaking into my room. I got up to the window and there was a guy inches from me staring back at me from the other side of the glass. I freaked. But it was okay it was just Justin. I was in my nighty. Luckily it's not the one with the bake beans stain. He told me that he had come to watch me sleep. That he had been thinking about me for days and just wanted to make sure I was real. I opened the window for him and he climbed in. We kissed and cuddled in my bed for a while and he put his hands between my legs. He told me that he was leaving his girlfriend so we could be together. It was starting to get good when he just got up really quickly and said he had to go, that he loved me and that he'd call me tomorrow. He hasn't called yet. Not sure if I should call him or not. I have a session with my counsellor in a couple of hours. As I write this I can hear mum in the loungeroom listening to a relaxation cd of whales singing. She does this whenever she is stressed at work. Track 6 is the cry of the loom. My favourite. Just what the fuck is a loom anyway?

I hate the australian cricket team. I hope someone bombs them when they go overseas. You can tell they are a bunch of assholes. Heavy drinkers, probably rapists.