Saturday, February 28, 2009

Mum has vanished. She's been gone now for two days. She just never came home from work. I don 't know what to do. I tried calling work but they didn't know anything. Who's mother runs away from home? She's not answering her mobile or anything. I'm gonna wait til monday until I call the police. It's really weird. I hope she hasn't been abducted or anything. Fuck it I'm gonna call the police tomorrow. It's too weird. As I write this Reservoir Dogs is on. There are heaps of ants on the floor for no apparent reason and I'm eating butterscotch icecream.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Mum has been pissing me off heaps lately. Asking me where I'm going and when I'll be back, making sure I'm eating all my meals. Telling me to be careful about everything she can think of. Treating me like I can't be trusted. I feel claustrophobic. She needs to get a life already. Tonight at dinner she got a phone call. I think it was about me because she got up quickly and went into the loungeroom so I couldn't hear.

I fell off the front steps a few days ago and grazed my knee pretty bad. The scab has healed and is now starting to drop off. When mum left I quickly ripped it off all the way, ground it up and dropped it in her soup. When she came back she looked kind've pale. As she started to eat I lost it and began to giggle. Mum told me that it was nice to see me smiling again, that I have a lovely smile and I should use it more often. I could feel my knee starting to bleed again and could see droplets of blood hitting the tiles.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

still nothing from Justin. nothing to do. nothing nothing nothing. Everything is a big fat nothing.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Turns out that it's a loon. The most primitive bird on the planet. Virtually unchanged in 100 million years. They're really heavy so they can dive up to 600 feet under water. How would you feel if you were a fish and then suddenly a bird came swimming after you? I guess first you'd think you were mad and then you'd get the hell out of the way as quickly as possible.

I still don't know why Justin left so quickly that night. I haven't heard from him since. I want to see him to at least tell me what I did wrong. I'm not going to call though because I don't want to seem desperate. Instead I'm going to eat some butterscotch ice-cream.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

I heard this noise last night when i was asleep. It scared the shit out of me. I thought someone was breaking into my room. I got up to the window and there was a guy inches from me staring back at me from the other side of the glass. I freaked. But it was okay it was just Justin. I was in my nighty. Luckily it's not the one with the bake beans stain. He told me that he had come to watch me sleep. That he had been thinking about me for days and just wanted to make sure I was real. I opened the window for him and he climbed in. We kissed and cuddled in my bed for a while and he put his hands between my legs. He told me that he was leaving his girlfriend so we could be together. It was starting to get good when he just got up really quickly and said he had to go, that he loved me and that he'd call me tomorrow. He hasn't called yet. Not sure if I should call him or not. I have a session with my counsellor in a couple of hours. As I write this I can hear mum in the loungeroom listening to a relaxation cd of whales singing. She does this whenever she is stressed at work. Track 6 is the cry of the loom. My favourite. Just what the fuck is a loom anyway?

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

I hate the australian cricket team. I hope someone bombs them when they go overseas. You can tell they are a bunch of assholes. Heavy drinkers, probably rapists.

Monday, February 16, 2009

I just wanted to make it clear that Dad gave me the plant, not a pic of the plant. It's in the corner of my bedroom now. I kind've like it. He of course thinks giving me it makes up for him being a fucking selfish prick, but at least i got a cool plant. It's called a Yucca. Apparently it's hard to kill. I'm gonna try. Then post it back to the fucken asswhipe.

I've been seeing a lot of this Justin guy. At first it was annoying, he'd just keep popping up everywhere. But he had herb so it was hard to get too angry with him. But he's actually pretty cool. I love his voice, it has this incredible sing song quality that just lifts me up when I hear it. He's possibly the sweetest guy I've ever met. He tells me everything about his life, what bothers him, what's happening with his friends family and even problems with his girlfriend. And he's definitely having a few. Now that he let me in it feels like he'll be on my side for ever. And it's weird, I feel comfortable telling him things about me, really personal stuff that I've never told anyone before. I just know he'd never do anything to hurt me. At first he seemed to be really into me, even though he had a girlfriend and I though he was going to ask me out, or at least make a move, but in the last couple of days he seems to have cooled off, which is crap because now I want him to do something. It's driving me crazy, I can't think about anything else but him. all day everyday. I imagine what he'd look like naked (Hot!!!!) and I imagine all these scenarios, where we bump in to each other accidently and then fuck in the street or someone's front lawn or at my school. Not in a sleazy sick way, but in a real tender loving way. I know if we got together it would last forever. And I know I can't let him get away either.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

I get this registered post letter this morning. So I get off my fat lazy ass and wander down to the post office. I'm sure it will be bad news. Just in case I'd waked and baked, though I've been doing that every morning now so it's hard to say this was the reason I did it this morning. When I hand over my card the post office lady starts giggling, calls over her friend saying 'it's for her.' By this stage I am really freaking out. They give me this:

And a note from Dad: 'Hope your tree-ting yourself well love Dad.'

Saturday, February 14, 2009

tonight when i was sitting on my bed after dinner i just burst into tears for no reason. i couldn't stop, it went on for hours. i ran out of tears and my chest hurt but i kept going. i don't know what this is about. i'm not sad and i don't think i was thinking of anything in particular when it happened. now i'm tired

Friday, February 13, 2009

the fires have just floored everyone. The smoke came across Melbourne today, everything was hazy and beautiful, kind've like that Mel Gibson and Michelle Pheiffer film that was on Tv last night Tequilla Sunrise, except that to get the amazing sunset 180 people had to die. So we'd kind've rather missing out on this. It's on Tv all the time, public contributions are up to $63 million, all that bullshit hero stuff and patriotic nonsence about what its like to be an Aussie. So I've started smoking bongs.

It turns out that weird guy from down the street is a herb dealer. He saw me out in the street and came over because his mother had told him I'd flipped out and stuff. Apparently he liked that. So he's been giving me as much herb as I want and we've been hanging out. he doesn't seem to want anything in return. Weird. I feel a bit bad because I can never remember his name, it's like Jason or Justin or something. I can never remember. I just call him mate. It's really bad. Mum meanwhile has been impossible, she's walking on eggshells around me, so of course I've been taking advantage. I made her buy Sarah Lee Butterscotch ice cream and we've had Turkish for the last two nights. I can tell she's sick of it, but each night she asks me and I'm getting everything I want. I wonder how long I can milk this.

Anyway that's all I feel tired and sad. I suppose I should be going back to school but no ones said anything, so daytime TV + couch + bongs = me. Yippee!

Monday, February 9, 2009

So it turns out I'm cured. Though I didn't get a certificate like Homer that says I'm sane. I guess they didn't want to go out on a limb in case I snap and start attacking people in the street. Anyway I'm back at mums. It's amazing how much a towering inferno of flame can contribute to your sanity. We watched it on the news. 118 people dead, Kinglake wiped out. Everyone was getting really jumpy, when the power went out and they made us assemble in the basketball court to go through our fire plan in case the busses didn't make it in time. Some of the girls were really freaking out, sobbing hysterically. You could just tell if the fire came through here they'd fall to pieces, not remember anything. Anyway the busses came, we grabbed our stuff and got out. Mum was waiting for me at Lakes and the next thing I know we're on our way home. I think they just freaked, not knowing what to do with all these kids with the whole of Gippsland on fire. The whole way home we listened to these horror stories on AM radio about people who were surprised by the speed of the fire, got caught in their cars, almost died. It was awful, I tried to change it but mum wouldn't let me. She barely spoke to me, I could tell she was in shock.

Anyway it's nice to be back in my own bed again. I just found a can of bundy and grapefruit under my bed. I can't remember the last time I had a drink. I'm going to neck it before bed.

sweet dreams.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

there's been this rumour going around that Trevor has been charged for sexually assaulting one of the girls here. I don't know her, but the police did come and speak to her, I think maybe 2 weeks ago. At the time I thought they were going to arrest her for something, like being a serial killer or something and I could be on the news saying, 'no she was really quiet, I had no idea that she murdered and mutilated 17 grandmothers.'

She's really really shy, I heard her stuttering a few days ago when she asked to have her room unlocked. I don't even know her name. She has no friends here, doesn't talk to anyone, just sits and reads all the time. I don't know whether to believe it or not. She's not very pretty, just kind've plain, long mousy hair that she doesn't even bother to do anything with, that just hangs down the side of her head. She doesn't wear makeup either just a baseball cap, hoodie and baggy jeans. Though about a week ago I saw her doing laps in the pool and couldn't believe it was her, she had a great body, really thin. I don't know why she hides it. If my body was that good I'd be making sure everyone knew about it.

I listened to that Neil Young tape. Fucking terrible. It sounds soooooo 80's. Lame.